Warning, the following content contains words soaked in doubt and fear and hope. If you'd rather not be challenged with believing things can get better, then it's probably best you shut your laptop and do something else. But if you don't mind reading another mans words about life and faith then please continue. I am failing at believing God for something better right now. I am in the middle of a pit that I can't seem to climb out of. And worst of all I feel like I've put myself here if for no other reason than just to make things more difficult for myself. I've clouded my mind with thoughts and ideas that seem so far away. Even the good ideas, that I feel are from the Lord, I have saturated with my own doubts and fears that I have lost all hope in ever accomplishing any of them. I am really just at a breaking point right now. This goes back to me wanting to try something new. I'm frustrated with where I am at. I'm frustrated with doubting myself and my abilities. I'm frustrated with seeing the end of something before it's even begun and then not even starting it. I'm sick of talking about stuff. I am really good at talking, but not so much at doing. I see so many others around me who are doing and I feel like I've already lost.
Dare to believe.
If it's this easy to get lost inside my own head how else can I expect to escape but by daring to believe God is using all of this for my own good. I feel weak now, but maybe I should dare to believe that when God sees me He only sees my strengths. I feel really useless and void of any talent right now, but maybe I should dare to believe that God only sees the most valuable thing in the world when he looks at me. Maybe instead of feeling totally lost and confused I should feel totally safe and sound in the arms of a loving God.
This is where I'm at. Totally uncertain of what the future holds. Totally unclear about what's next in my life. But totally hopeful that God is going to show up in the midst of all this. I'm learning that my current condition does not determine my eternal position. Thanks Ben for helping me see this more clearly. Also, thank you Tim and Laurie for encouraging me to dare to believe today. And most of all thank you to my wife, Amanda, for loving me through this difficult time.