Spectre Reflectre

Getting the call that HP wanted me to be in a commercial was crazy — I think I actually laughed out loud. Normally I get paid to make/create something. And I've been on camera before, sure, that's no problem. But to be me, just standing there, on camera felt a little surreal.

I've only been to LA only once before. Less than 24 hours mind you, but still it counts right? So coming back to the city was exciting and a helluva lot cooler than Texas in the summer. It was nice to get a break from the heat for sure, but it was great getting to explore new parts of the city I've never seen before.

When I first arrived at the studio everything felt really laid back. Total Cali vibes. I had some time to myself to just relax, have a snack, and get to wardrobe. Everything about this project was so mysterious to me. Why me? What am I gonna say? What if I stumble over my words? But after a quick conversation with the director, Tatia Pilieva, and she told me she was looking for a totally unscripted experience. Raw. Honest. I felt more relaxed. All I knew walking on set was that somewhere along the way they wanted to unveil the new HP Spectre laptop. That was it.

I have to be honest I am one of the majority, I use a mac, wait is that even allowed to say? Oh well, it's the truth and I think the truth always makes for the best story. Anyways, like I was saying, I am a "majority mac user" who uses an apple laptop. So I didn't know what to expect when I first laid my eyes on the new Spectre from HP. But it really surprised me. Totally not what I was expecting... in a good way. The thing feels solid. Well crafted. Plenty of beautiful little details that make it stand out from the rest. I am enjoying getting to play around with this new machine and can't wait to see what all it has in store over the next couple months as I engage in the HP #ReinventObsession campaign. See more of the HP Spectre here

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This post is sponsored by HP, but all my thoughts and options are my own. Thank you for helping to support the sponsors that make this blog possible.

I Guess I'm 34 Now

What happens that makes time seem so impossible yet so unbelievably beautiful?

I'm talking about the way my weeks fade into one another. One after the other. Like the constant crashing of the waves against the sand. Time has no concern for me whether I lay around and do nothing and binge watch Netflix or keep myself continuously busy working on something in my studio. No. Time has nothing to gain from me. It's like this giant invisible creature we're living inside, not yet realizing that we have been defeated and are left to decay inside the belly of the beast. A bit morbid, but hopefully you catch my drift.

There is no escaping time.

To say I feel another year older is just a nicer way to say that I've noticed my hairline receding ever so gracefully. I wonder when I'll give in and just buzz my head? The last year has been incredible though. I've been witness to the birth of our second daughter, Geny, and celebrated the second birthday of our first born, Savy. In between the moments when our girls are sleeping my wife and I have found time to laugh, love, drink a LOT of wine, travel, and practice the art of communication. My wife and I also celebrated our 10-year anniversary last December. A decade y'all. I can count on one hand the things I've done in my life for longer than ten years, one of those being alive. It's not easy being this awesome though.

Marriage is the greatest challenge we will ever face.

The thought recently occurred to me that it's of no surprise fewer people are getting married and more people are getting divorced today. We have access to so much with so little effort. Being married is the polar opposite. Sometimes it feels like you're giving all you have and you may not see a return on your time/energy for years to come. That's why for my wife and I our faith is so impactful and fruitful in our relationship. Otherwise, we could've been out of this thing years ago. But we've held on. Holding on to the hope that we were called together. The hope that when we pray things can actually change. I've seen some prayers take 2-3 years to be answered. My marriage has taught me to play the long game. Being in the moment is good and all, and reminds us to be present, but without raising our vision we can get overwhelmed by what's right in front of us.

Just Keep Swimming

With all that said though, if I've learned anything this year it comes from a little movie called "Finding Nemo". My daughter and I have watched it many an early morning. Without getting into all the nuances of the movie and what I've gained from watching it, there is one single line that is profound above all the rest; "Just Keep Swimming". It applies to all aspects of life. And it is with such simple wisdom that I continue on into my thirty-fifth year of life. I don't pretend to know where I'll be next year, but if the last ten years have taught me anything it's to expect something greater. That and to try and hold on to the moments in between.

Going home when we work at home

I'm gonna struggle to stay on topic — I can feel it. But this idea of compartmentalizing my life has really been troubling me lately. Something worth stumbling my way through in hopes that maybe there is some clarity just on the other side. For you, but also for me. Bare with me as I switch from first to third and back to first person. I am speaking to you, but also to myself and only from my own perspective.

On one hand I love the solitude and the setting of my own pace working here from the guest bedroom turned home studio. I have a large window upon which I watch our quiet little corner of the world turn. It is me with my thoughts, my music, and my imagination. No one questioning or inquiring about my work. I'm left to work out the why's and how's of my process because I love making things harder on myself. This much I'm comfortable with admitting. However, on the flip side of that rigid coin I find myself feeling alone. That's quite the obvious statement when you think about it. But no, I mean even with every opportunity to be "connected" online it is still a concerted effort I make to limit myself in communication.

But take a few good steps out of my studio and you'll find a kind of vibrancy of life that totally sets the balance for my life. What solitude and introspection I have in my studio is gone when I "close up shop" every evening and enter into family time. My 2.5 year old daughter is full of energy and wonder. My wife is eager to engage me in conversation and have me take the Dad reigns to help her our with our new little one. It's the polar opposite of life happening, two totally different environments, but all under one roof. And this is my beef - where/how do I start to come home when I'm already at home?

Computers are really good at compartmentalizing. They operate on ones and zeros. In simplest form they are glorified filing cabinets with millions of pixels and fancier hardware. But humans are not good at compartmentalizing. Sorry, correction, I am not good at compartmentalizing. Even at my best I wonder off thinking about 10 other things when I should be listening to every word coming out of my wife's mouth. I don't believe it's as easy as putting the "work" me up at 5 o' clock and putting on the "family" me. There are probably a hundred different analogies I could make to drive my point home even further, but I'll spare you. The simple truth is this:

We, humans, are unorganized organisms, totally messy and full of flaws.

My search for perfection is a dying cause. I'm dead before I even begin because it will kill me trying to be perfect. So I'm giving up the halves of me in order to be the whole me. I have to allow myself to bring the beautiful mess of family life into my work life and I have to be vulnerable to share the secrets of my work life with my family. This is the only way out. Not to segment one self into different parts, but to be a bringer of all parts to the table. Whether that's the dinner table or work table.

The Longest Shortest Distance

I'm convinced a lot of us like to believe the shortest distance from point A to B is a straight line. That's a nice thought though. Really, wouldn't life be so much easier? The reality, I've learned, is that life looks more like a giant, haphazard scribble drawn by my 2 year-old daughter. You can't tell where it ends or where it begins. But it's more interesting and beautiful.

I've had this thought bouncing around in my head lately about not doing what you love. Which is not to say I think people shouldn't follow what they are passionate about. (Side note: "doing" when referenced here is different than "pursuing"). In short, from my experience, to pursue what you love, what really makes you come alive, requires a long road of doing what you don't love. Then, and only then, will you have gained the experience and confidence to know what you do not want to do again. But then, even when you reach the point of pursuing what you love, it still challenges you to do the things you thought you'd never do again. Damn you irony!

Long before there was social media, in the early days of the internet, I walked into a boardroom with nothing but one of those giant black zip-up art portfolios under my arm to present at my interview for a summer graphic design internship. This was the summer of 2001. Between that summer and 2012 I walked a long, hard road of experiences that would help shape and prepare me for what I'm doing now. Those 11 years taught me how to look doubt, fear, and success square in the eyes and not shy away from what they were trying to teach me. That decade was a long damn time. And if you're assuming from my first internship I went on to work my way up in the design world you'd be wrong. I had much to learn.

One of those long, hard roads I've had to walk is getting over my entitlement. I've always had great expectations for life, but lacking the gumption to make it happen. Feeling like I deserve better, but not proving myself worthy. It's probably one of the biggest reasons I worked so many part-time jobs in my early 20's. Everything from shipping boxes to washing golf-carts to selling used books and once for a week serving ice cream and having to sing on queue whenever somebody left a tip. That was how motivated I was. Then coming out the other side of a 4-year service in the military I was afraid of going right back into my old habits. But I'll never forget my AHA! moment while standing in the isle of a bookstore one night where I was working, just a month after settling back into normal life, and knew this couldn't be it. I knew I couldn't go back to the way things were before.

I wouldn't let myself settle.

From then on I've continued to push myself and rise above the challenges to meet my passion in practical pursuits. There is never any secret to someones success. There is only one foot in front of the other. There will always be someone ahead of and behind you. There will always be an unfair advantage. There will always be an excuse not to do it. But you have the choice to just go with the flow and take life as it comes to you, or choose to go overboard, splash around in the water like a crazy person, find your way to the shoreline and start to carve a new path for yourself. And that's how I've felt. Mostly like a crazy person though. It's never a short distance. It's like how I hate running down a straight road, because when I can see the end it starts to taunt me with how far away it is. But when I choose to divert from the path it becomes interesting with each new twist and turn and hill to climb. But then again I'm always up for a good challenge.

So I propose we forget the phrase "just do what you love" because it's exhausting and misleading. We need less instant gratification and more patience in our practice. I am constantly faced with being patient in my work between balancing home life and work life. However, I'm stronger because of it. But I know not everyone out there has a family. So I won't act as if you do. But when we allow ourselves time away from our work to focus on other important areas of life it adds a new perspective.

Working with Phhhoto

Over the last year I've really embraced a new app called Phhhoto. Maybe you've heard of it, maybe you haven't. Taking images on my phone is nothing new to me, but learning to refine my skill in pictures that loop and repeat has been a fun challenge. There are a dozen different apps out there that do the same thing, even Instagram has gotten on the bandwagon, but Phhhoto is my favorite by far. I wanted to walk through a few examples of how I'm using Phhhoto and why I feel it adds more depth to my work.

Example 1: Hands and Feet

You don't have to search very far for them. Literally, they're attached to your body. But sometimes even the simplest things can make a big impression. The examples below were inspired by the moments I found myself, whether in the middle of working or just sitting down relaxing. Bright colors and harsh light were really helpful in the making of these as well. But what I focus on most in all my phhhotos is keeping a steady hand while shooting.

Example 2: What I'm Working on

One of my favorite uses of Phhhoto is sharing what I'm working on. Whether I'm sitting down to draw or paint I like to take a few minutes and capture the small movements of my brush or pencil. The key here is only capturing the movement in one direction, slowly, so when it loops and repeats itself the movement looks more fluid and natural.

Example 3: Capturing Light

Being an early riser I love capturing the morning light. The greatest thing about using Phhhoto is it adds another dimension to a single moment in time. So instead of having one frame of a beautiful sunrise, you get 5 frames stitched together and repeated. I have had to train my eye on how to take a Phhhoto differently from a normal photo. My process is slower and usually takes a good 5 to 10 shots before I'm happy with the outcome.

Example 4: Portraits

Capturing people in Phhhoto is a lot more trial and error than anything else. Again, as with any good image, light plays a huge part of making a good portrait. The difference between a still image and a moving image is you need your subject to remain rather still for 3-5 seconds. Which doesn't sound like a lot, but trust me it can make all the difference.

Example 5: Fuzzy Vision

Have you ever squinted your eyes so hard just to get a sense of the basic shapes and colors of a scene instead of the hard lines that define it? One of the ways I like to use Phhhoto is to lock down my focus on something close (like my hand) and then capturing a "fuzzy" image. It adds almost a certain kind of cinematic quality. I like it because it's just a little different.

Example 6: Just For Fun

Don't take life too serious.  I am constantly reminded of this day in and day out with my daughter. She is so full of life and whimsy. She makes me laugh and act like a kid again. And that is something I need to be reminded more of, especially in my work. So don't get caught up in the numbers game or you'll miss what Phhhoto is all about... fun.

So there you have it. Six simple examples of how I've learned to use Phhhoto and what it has taught me about capturing images in motion. Hopefully you'll give it a try. Let me know if you decide to try it and what you think. One last thing worth noting, there is a lot of noise out there and the only way I've found to break through it all is by creating honest work.

On Life - Turning 33

My first full year as a father is behind me. Wow! That's crazy to acknowledge in writing. Never again will I know what it's like to be alive without the betterment of my child(ren) in the forefront of my mind.

Also, the beginning of this year marked the 3rd year I have been working for myself. However, this year has also proven itself to be the most difficult/challenging year working for myself. Even considering the travel opportunities me and my family have had half way into this year, the rate of steady business just isn't the same as the past two years. Does anyone know if there's a way to convert miles traveled to money in the bank? LOL!

But seriously, it's really hard not to turn inwardly and think I've done something wrong. You know what I'm talking about? It's somewhere between a feeling of guilt and helplessness. My wife and I have these conversations often. Me saying something to the effect of "I don't know what I'm doing." and her saying something like, "You're awesome. God is good. We'll be okay." She really is the better part of us.

So instead of turning this into some weird pity party I would like to instead make a list of ways I want to change, honor my family, continue on in my faith, and ultimately love those around me well this year. All with the hopes that this time next year I can look back on this list and cross some stuff off. Even if it's just one.

01. Create better boundaries around the bedroom (no cell phones before and after sleep)

02. Ask God more questions, and find a place to sit and listen

03. Go for the gut, conversationally speaking, when I'm with close friends

04. Be present in the moments both big and small, but mostly in the small ones

05. Walk more. Seriously. Why are we Texans so addicted to our cars?

06. Take up a hobby that doesn't involve my phone

07. Own up to my own shortcomings and learn to laugh at them

08. Read a good book

09. Be vulnerable. That whole "strong and silent" thing just doesn't work in real life.

10. Make more art and find a way to show it in a gallery

11. Build a studio in my backyard

Go Big and Go Home

We can't have it all. This is true. At one point or another we must all decide what is more important in life. But I believe there does exist a balance in life whereby we can create amazing things and still create an amazing life at home.

Work is a good thing. Hard work is even better. But why should we neglect our families and other relationships in order to "climb the ladder"? I have found that establishing boundaries around "going big" in my day-to-day life actually helps me better focus when I'm on a project. And then once I hit my limit for the day I can take a big breath and pursue other important areas of life — namely, family.

However, our culture would have us believe the opposite is true. Right? We must make sacrifices in order to get ahead. We have to put in longer, harder hours than anyone else. We are taught that everyone and anyone is our competition. Take care of yourself, they say, and always look for ways to get ahead... no matter the cost.

Well how's that working out for you?

I think changing a mindset of a generation isn't done by one person, overnight. It takes a new generation believing a different way is possible to influence a new pattern of thought. And I'm really excited to be alive at the age I am, with the tools and resources we have, because it feels like a whole new way of thinking about life, and work, is being ushered in. With more and more opportunities to work remotely we are putting husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, back in the home to be seen by their children more often. Of course, working at home comes with its own set of limitations and distractions, but in my experience it's a most beautiful challenge.

I have seen firsthand the examples of how success can intersect with family and there's no looking back.

So be encouraged, go out there and make big things happen. Learn your craft and learn it damn well. Put in the hours to practice, to refine, and get better. Go to workshops and conferences and meet a lot of people. Do a lot of cool stuff. Tweet, share and gram. But don't forget that's not all there is to life. There are these living, breathing assemblages of dirt, water and air that we were made to be with. Besides, the mysterious nature of our relationships will continue on long past whatever fame or fortune we earn in this life.