On Being

We talk a lot, quite a lot actually, these days about what it means to be busy — both with work and life. But how much do we know about what it means to just be? To what end must we drudge on about our lives in hopes of becoming happy and healthy if only we just work hard enough to earn it? And not just in monetary currency do I mean that we work hard, but in social currency as well. It seems like we all came to the same pick-up game looking for a friend or two and what was once for fun has now turned itself into this mass-marketed, fierce competition to see who can gain the most friends. And it disturbs me.

"Be still, and know that I am God." - Psalm 46:10

A relationship is the most valuable gift we can ever expect to have in this life. The chief among these being our relationship with our Great Creator. And what does He express to us through the psalmist? To be still. And just like any great relationship, it's about what you give to it that matters more than what you take. We can overwork ourselves to the point of being absent from the relationship, thereby weakening it, or we can become lazy and miss the blessing that comes from tending to its daily needs and watching it, over time, blossom. There is a great balance that hangs in the air between one person and another. Furthermore, if we find ourselves constantly having to perform to feel accepted/successful then we should see that as the giant red flag it is. I know, because I have a need to please people too. But what greatness, and what heavy burden lifted, is achieved when we just let all that go.

"I live my life in growing orbits which move out over this wondrous world, I am circling around God, around ancient towers and I have been circling for a thousand years. And I still don't know if I am an eagle or a storm or a great song." - Rainer Maria Rilke

Maybe it's uncomfortable to just be. Who can we really blame but ourselves? When it's a fight to find time just to sit in silence. When it's socially more acceptable to always be plugged in and turned on to every distraction. When we give way to artificial systems to create new patterns and ways of communicating without ever questioning our need to do so. I can often relate to what the great poet Rainer Maria Rilke says above. With all these great technological advances swarming around me and an endless amount of information at my disposal, even when I'm sitting still it feels like I'm moving at a million miles an hour without still knowing who I am. But I press on, through the drudgery of life, not basing my identity on what I do but upon who has called me.

On Work - Dare to Dream

I'm beginning to realize that whenever I sit down and work there are far greater forces at play than just simply working to produce a final product. I see it goes back long before we ever wake up in the morning, sip our coffee, and sit at our desks. I also see it spreads out long after the ink is dry and the great unveiling is over. No, much greater, our work is interwoven with childhood memories, past mistakes, future failures, romantic gestures, the days of our youth and the glory of our old age. But we don't, at least I don't, ever think about such things when the task is before us and we only have eyes for what's right in front of us.

Let us dare to dream. Let us get lost in what once was and what we hope will be. Let us not take anything for granted, but take everything as a chance to build better, improve upon and push our limits. We should not be tied down too much to any one persons opinions, whether good or bad, but instead leaning against the solid rock of our God-given intuition. We need to trust our guts more. We need to learn to look each other in the eye and tell the truth. Being nice isn't gonna change the world.

Clients (like wives) do not want a robot to do their bidding. They are looking for someone to carry their vision to new heights. Have an original thought! They need us to be visionaries and dreamers, whether they know it or not. If you are only interested in doing the minimum then go work for minimum wage. This business of what we like to call the "creative process" takes people willing to leave more on the table than what they have in their pockets. Doesn't matter if you use a camera, a pencil, or a hammer and nails, we owe it to ourselves to dream big and surround ourselves with other dreamers.

On Life - Finances and the Art of Letting Go

The other day it occurred to me that I've never really felt in control of my finances this whole time I've been working for myself. The fault in my thought process has been that I "earn" the money so why should I have to "manage" my money. However, I've been blessed with a wife who is very detail oriented when it comes to numbers. But at the same time I've developed a crutch expecting her to handle all things money related. I'm not sure if I would call it being lazy so much as I would a lack of care about money. But am I a man or a boy? A boy does not yet know the pressures of life and lives in oblivious bliss. A man, a God fearing man no less, faces the stresses of this world head on with much patience, prayer and practice at the helm. So last time I looked in the mirror I saw a man, dammit! Time to step up and step in to my role as a better husband, father and son by being a better steward.

Not a Healthy Place to Be

I've stood under this dark cloud of uncertainty about where my money is going for so long that I am tired of feeling cold and wet. I'm ready to run inside and sit by the warmth and light of the fire. I want to rule our finances. I want to take back the peace that God intends for me to have in this area of life. Like all things, our finances (our provision) is from The Lord. I wholeheartedly believe that. Why? Because I've seen it play out again and again in my journey over the past two years. He has proven His faithfulness even when I am not. So then why would I continue on trying to hide myself, and my money, from Him? But this area, sadly, I feel is really comfortable to live in. It takes a lot less work to live with my head in the clouds than it does to live in the real world. And therein lies the clues to knowing we need to look for higher ground — that feeling of being comfortable.

Knowing Your Weakness

Admitting you aren't strong isn't something any man likes to do. We have a lot of pride and we take a lot of pride in our work. For me, I've prided myself on facing the unknown of working for myself and rising to that challenge. It has at once both proven to deepen my walk with God and expose my weakest areas. And I'm learning to be okay with that... I think. But just admitting you have a weakness is only half the battle. Taking this new information about yourself and putting together a plan of action is tough stuff. I feel like my wife and I have been talking for years now about getting on a budget and sticking to it. We've tried the envelope system, we've tried reading books, but nothing has really stuck. And I can't help like feeling it's mostly my fault. Not taking the lead when I should. Dropping the ball when I shouldn't. But one thing as of late has become more apparent — you can't do this alone, even as a couple.

On Letting Go

I'm learning how difficultly awesome it is to loosen the grip I've had around my life and business. A grip that's told me, and my family, that I can do it all on my own. But that couldn't be further from the truth. Sure, starting out on my own it was shaky ground and I felt hiring people to help me with financial stuff was a bit overkill. But within the past year it's really begun to stir in my heart that in order to build something bigger than myself I need to learn to let go of control and trust people. Boom! So how then am I moving forward? I've begun a conversation with a friend of mine who really enjoys spreadsheets and keeping track of money. We are planning to work together come the new year and I couldn't be more excited. I've signed up for a new budgeting app, YNAB, and am in the process of establishing new habits to help make it a part of our daily lives.

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This adjustment, these steps I'm taking now, I feel are somehow tied to the bigger picture of my families financial peace and the beautiful story God is writing for us. I would love to hear your thoughts. How has God been leading you to manage your money better? In what ways do you find it difficult? What ways have you experienced growth around this idea of letting go control? Thanks for reading. Keep up the good work.

On Life - Boundaries

We don't talk much about boundaries anymore, what with the internet and all breaking down so many social, cultural and relational walls. It's kind of an old term used to describe the old ways we knew what was ours and what was theirs. But you can still find them today. Just look on any map and you'll see the clear boundary lines drawn between cities, states and entire countries. And I'm convinced, in a similar fashion, we need to draw some distinct boundary lines in our lives. But it's a lot easier said than done, when we're caught up with the likes of status updates and push notifications. The following are areas in my own life I am working on drawing distinct lines around.

WORK

The on/off switch for work (especially those of us who work for ourselves) is a big one. We need to learn how to be present when we're off the clock, and how to be focused when we're on the clock. But honestly, for me, it's still a great challenge. I've experienced both ends of the spectrum now, from a 9-5 office job to total freedom in my schedule to work whenever, from wherever. And it sounds weird to say, but I feel that now I have total freedom in my schedule I have a much harder time setting boundaries. Not to mention being a father of almost a 1-year old now. Doing a good job, at home and at work, takes some serious work. (pun intended) There is a lot to be said here, but one way in which my wife and I work together to help bring a greater balance to our lives, and my work life, is sitting down every week and making a schedule for the week ahead. We are now those people that if it's not on our calendars, then we probably won't be there. We've totally found the freedom in scheduling our lives.

RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships come in all shapes and sizes. From our closest family and friends to the neighbors we see at our local coffee shop. But not everyone we meet needs to be our best friend. That's one of the hard truths I'm facing right now in life. Getting over the "everyone must like me" complex and realizing that the friends I do have deserve all my attention. It's hard to stay focused on the one right in front of you if you're constantly looking over their shoulders to who you might talk to next. That's why I believe Jesus shared his life with only twelve others. And if Jesus can't handle more than a dozen dudes to live intentionally with, then how can I expect to be "friends" with hundreds, if not thousands, of other strangers? I like how in the movie Jerry Maguire Tom Cruises' character learned this lesson the hard way. He was charming, hard-working, but he took a risk and shared what we all feel inside and was outcast because of it. However, look at what happens to him in the end. He builds this beautiful relationship with his one, single, client and finds what it means to really love someone... "You. Complete. Me." Sorry I don't know how I made the connection from Jesus to Tom Cruise, but I trust you get the larger point I'm trying to make. Bigger is not always better when it comes to relationships.

SOCIAL MEDIA

This, to me, is a growing concern. If we never stop to ask ourselves "is it worth sharing" then we will continue this snowball effect in our lives of constantly sharing based on the way we feel when someone else "likes" part of our life. It feels like the norm is to say "it's okay, we're all a little socially awkward, but we can all hang out together if we're on our phones." And why should we challenge that notion? I know I'm the worst at keeping a conversation going. I'm really awkward at walking up to people at social functions and introducing myself. The phone is a warm and cushy blanket that protects us from being vulnerable. Not to mention the soft glow upon our face in a dark room makes us all look a little more mysterious. But the phone, rather the apps we choose to use on our phone, are the jagged knife quickly cutting the chords on the art of having a real conversation. Shit! Sooner or later, if we're not careful, we will all just be using Siri to talk for us. Friends, let's work together to put the tools we use in their right place, say in our pockets, at the appropriate times, say around the dinner table. I gladly welcome my friends to challenge me on this and call me out when I'm getting side-tracked on social media.

Embracing this Messy, Beautiful Life

Ask anyone who knew me growing up and they would tell you the same thing, I was a neat freak. That term alone, "neat freak", says a lot doesn't it? I've never really felt normal, for a lot of reasons, but one of those being that I've always been obsessed with order. Order in my closet, order on my plate and even order with the friends I have. For example, I would go to sleepovers at my friends house and clean their rooms... for fun. Totally normal. I feel like I was living from this place in my heart that said, "If I can just have control over these small areas in my life, then maybe I can control the rest of the chaos going on around me." Order and control really go hand-in-hand.

I've never had anyone tell me I have OCD. Maybe I've just always been a highly functioning OCDoer. Maybe that's why I succeeded in the military? Whatever it is I still feel out of sorts these days when things aren't in their right place. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The Struggle is Real

For the first few years of marriage I was really passive aggressive about letting my wife know that I did not approve of her messy habits. Instead of using my words to communicate how I felt (INFJ's are you with me?) I would just rather do it myself. (Struggle!) Because God knows my way is the best way, and if her work didn't measure up to my high standards then I would just have to redo it anyways. So I might as well do it all myself. (Struggle!) And even when she did offer her help, to clean or organize or what have you, my heart was wrapped in a cord of criticism and self-doubt that I couldn't accept the gift she was to me and appreciate her help. (Struggle!)

The struggle, I've found, isn't really about the order of things, or the way in which my wife cleans, but more about the position of my heart. If my heart is seated on a couch of criticism then nothing will ever be good enough.  I feel part of the blessing and the curse of being creative is that 1. I am highly critical of myself first and 2. it's easy for me to be highly critical of others. The self-criticism exists, I believe, to give me a meter reading on my work and the intuition to know when something I'm working on is complete. Under the right direction, mainly the Holy Spirit, I feel like that can be used for good. But to criticize oneself just for the pure pleasure of it is unhealthy. And then the criticism of others is just something I have to constantly repent of.

Enter Parenthood

Although I know we've made major stride in our marriage in the past couple years, many thanks to those in our life willing to speak truth in love, I don't know if anything really prepares you for life after a baby. The very axis on which your world spins gets totally flipped, twisted and spun around. The notion of anything "normal" is all but a brief memory in the rearview mirror quickly fading on the horizon. There is nothing but uncharted terrain ahead and you never know where the next road leads. But it's exciting! Even for someone still caught up in his struggle with order. All the unknowns and unorganized parts of life now aren't just stacking up against me, I feel like they are helping establish trust between my wife and I and helping pave a way of greater faith in God. And sure, as much as I still try and keep my daughters hands and face free from snot, drool and food there is nothing I love more than her little messy embrace.

One final thought

This past year has brought a lot of new changes in our lives. Having a baby, like I mentioned, has been one of the biggest and brightest changes I think I'll ever know. We also moved in the middle of summer to a new home. This process of settling in hasn't been easy. I wish it were. I wish I could be that person that "rolled with the punches" and not let the little things bother me so much. But I do. And I think I have to admit that to move forward. But I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I can choose to be thankful for where we are, smack dab in the middle of this beautiful messy life, and take things one step at a time.

What's the Opposite of a Creative Person

This question hadn't even entered my mind yet until my friend leaned over and whispered it in my ear. We were sitting in the back row waiting for Gungor to go on, listening to the man make general introductions, when he said something to the effect of, "a great place for creative people..." and I trailed off not really paying attention. But when Matt leaned over and asked me, "What's the opposite of a creative person?" I was intrigued. I mean, of course it's easy to lump people into groups like we so casually do. Our brains like to compartmentalize everything. We live in a "bite-size" society where everything we consume is in nice little digestible chunks. I think it has something to do with all that damn Halloween candy.

BUT WE ARE PEOPLE!

You can't put a person, or a group of people, in a box. NOBODY PUTS BABY IN A CORNER! You see, Patrick Swayze had it right all along. Every one of us has a uniqueness that makes us at once exactly the same and yet totally different. But when we focus on trying to squeeze this group or that group of people in a box and put a label on them we are only doing a disservice to ourselves. Even greater, as if our identity depended on a particular label in the first place. It's immature to think that what we do defines us and places us in a bracket with these other people doing similar things and by which should be the only other people we associate with. Rubbish, my friends.

YOU ARE CREATIVE!

Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. No matter if you're a doctor, lawyer, trash collector, tax collector or government-grade button pusher – you have every right to be creative as I do. Sometimes it's not so much what we're doing that hinders us, but what we're not doing. The limitations we place on ourselves, by ourselves, often obstructs what we ourselves can do. So then the question, What's the opposite of a creative person, really isn't a questions any more after we recognize that in all things we can be creative. I'll leave you with more weighty words than my own:

"Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all."

- Colossians 3:11

When everything needs to be shared

When everything needs to be shared then what moments are left to be sacred?

I found myself sitting in an office across town yesterday trying to explain what I do to someone 10 years my elder and completely out of the loop on the whole social media game. To drive my point home, he didn't even know how to pronounce Instagram. It was hard not to correct him. He then proceeded to ask me if he should join Instagram, to which I replied (in short) "no". Not that I'm against anyone older than, umm 32, joining Instagram or anything. And I'm all for trying new things. But I also don't believe in blindly following trends. And let's be honest, Instagram is a huge trend right now.

We have a problem on our hands.

The more we constantly share every thought and image we experience on a daily basis, the less we actually sit and contemplate the simple joys of being alive. Whatever happened to keeping something to ourselves? When was the last time you existed for more than 30 minutes without any technological distraction? And what do more likes, comments and followers really mean at the end of the day? I'm serious. Take away my numbers on Instagram and I'll still go to sleep in peace tonight. But that's completely opposite of what I've experienced in person over the last year. It seems more is better. More followers. More likes. MORE! We are a culture driven by more. We are consumers driven by more. We are "content creators" always wanting more. But to what end?

Take more mental pictures

The next time you're out with your friends or family and the moment is happening right in front of your face, don't reach for that little black brick in your pocket. Instead, let the magic of life unfold before your eyes. Think about the millions of tiny electrical signals firing back and forth in your brain that give you your senses to see and hear and touch and feel. Then realize that those people around you are worth more than any number on any social network ever. I speak this to myself just as much to you. I'm not always "in the moment" as much as I should be. But I'm learning to be. If not for my own good, then for the good of my daughter. And I think that is something worth fighting for.