I can't believe I've already made it twenty weeks working for myself. That's one-hundred and forty days. Dang! I love waking up every day not knowing what's next. Walking in greater steps of faith is what I wanted, and I feel that's exactly what I'm getting. Last weeks post was really short. Just one line in fact. But that's how I felt, and that's the great thing about writing your own blog. You can do what every you want. However, this week I feel like writing a lot about what I've learned in the past two weeks. So now as the coffee settles in to my bloodstream let me begin.
If I'm being honest, I've felt more on edge the last two weeks. Waiting on what's next has been really difficult. So I'm learning how to deal with the emotions that come along with the ebbs and flows of freelance. I have to take it one day at a time and focus on what I can accomplish in that day and be satisfied. But that's easier said than done.
It was just a few short months ago that my wife and I were sitting in the mountains of Colorado when I got the revelation about working because I love to, not because I have to provide. It's funny how quick we are to forget things. Or maybe it's not forgetting, because obviously I still remember, but rather how difficult it is to change ones way of thinking. I was raised by a single Mom who worked long hours to provide for my brother and I. My Dad moved all around the country to keep work. Before I realized it my view of working and provision were already being formed.
But here is some truth I've come to realize:
1. Work Hard. Because nothing is ever just handed to us. The spirit of self-entitlement is a great deception. We don't deserve to have anything handed to us, yet we demand so much. It took me a long time to come to this realization. Thankfully though I have realized that hard work really does pay off.
2. Trust God. He is provider. The relationship I have with God is like no other. He is always present in my life when I turn to run away. He is always full of grace when mine runs out. He is always ready to love when my heart turns cold. He is always quick to defend me when no one else will. He is waiting and eager for me to unload all of my hopes and dreams, fears and burdens on him. His trust can not be broken.
3. Enjoy Life. We only have this one. It's too short to waste. Find people that you love and invest everything you have in everything they are. Find something you love to do and go do that. Stop checking your facebook so much, those aren't your real friends anyways. Cook dinner and savor the flavor. Enjoy a nice bottle of wine (or whatever you prefer) every once in a while. Most of all don't let anyone tell you what you can or can't do, especially yourself.
Now less than three weeks before I turn thirty. The big three zero. I keep coming back to this but I feel it's a pivotal moment in my life. The same year that I've decided to quit working for someone else and start doing what I love is the same year I leave my twenties behind. I love that. I love getting older because I feel my age is catching up to my heart. I really am an old soul.
There are some exciting things happening this summer. I've been invited to join a panel of visual artist later next month and talk about what I do. I'm also really excited about this new co-working space in Dallas, Weld, and getting to work alongside some awesome people. Then in July I will be heading in to the high country of Colorado for a weekend of fly fishing and camping with some of the best men in the world. To top it all off we'll be spending an entire week in Florida in August with some of our very best friends. How could I possibly enjoy life any more?
My heart is so full of thanks. Not just for all that I have but for all the people around me. I love the relationships God has given me to invest in and be invested in by. It really opened up room in my heart when I realized I don't have to be friends with everyone, but instead could choose to invest my time to those closest to me.
I've been learning a lot about boundaries this year. Where and how to draw them is sometimes difficult. I've had my feelings hurt by other peoples boundaries simply because I didn't understand the importance of them at the time. But seeing the value of protecting your heart and who you choose to share it has been really rewarding to me. To put it simply, I've given up trying to please everybody and instead just focused on being myself and being open with those closest to me.