Freelance Week 13

On Life

Walking through this tax season was a bit unnerving, to say the least, but I feel victorious now on the other side. I think the hardest part for me through this whole tax thing was just starting. Something I've come to learn about myself is that I'm always super hesitant to enter new territory. I learn best by watching others show me how, so when I'm faced with teaching myself I am always really slow to get started. But hey! At least I'm learning.

On Faith

Nothing in life is free except for one thing, forgiveness. As we have freely received it, we are free to give it. It costs us nothing to forgive someone. It costs us dearly to hold it back.

On Work

Freelancing is like the ocean. High tides. Low tides. And all the moments in between. It can be a breathtaking view as the sun sets, or it can be a ferocious site as the storm approaches. But everything has its reason. Working for myself so far this year has already taught me so much. I'm looking forward to what the next 8 months have in store.

I Am the Church

What's the most common question we Christians ask? Where do you go to church?

It's a simple, yet loaded, question.

We aren't really asking where you go, but why aren't you going to my church.

We've been deceived by our traditions that where we "go" is who we "are".

I have a hard time accepting this as truth.

I've given up "going" to church. This journey I've been on for the past 10 years has led me to one place, I am the church. I didn't get here by striving and working, but by resting and trusting. It hasn't always been easy though. I've had to fight through a lot of anger and resentment. I've struggled with finding new language to try and explain this place I'm in. And I've often times felt alone. All I know now is that I am loved and it has nothing to do with where I go or what I do.

Props to my friend Julie for inspiring me to draw this today.

Identity

Most mornings I wake up like this: Turn off alarm Grab my phone Wipe the sleep out of my eyes Check my email Check my twitter Check my instagram

... and before my feet hit the floor my identity has already been decided. Who I am is made up by networks of people around the world hitting a little like button. Bullshit!

Who I am is not decided by any factor here on earth. It's not a number, not a relationship, not even a job. I am worth so much more than what this world can offer me. And the more that sinks in the more free I feel. The more I am able to create and love and give and share. You see, it's only when you give up trying that you can receive by faith what's been staring you straight in the face. God's love.

Out of the woods

I recently spent 4 days in the Ouachita mountains in western Arkansas with 5 other men. It was a time of rest and bonding over doing what we men do best, chop wood, grill meat and drink whiskey. If you would've told me 10 years ago that's what men of God did when they got together then I would've laughed. But I continue to learn that God doesn't fit inside our safe little boxes. The over-arching theme of the trip was to be get back to the heart of a man. Letting go of what the "church" has told a man he should be and just living out of our rough, wild and adventurous nature. Too many times have I sat idly by and watched the desires of my heart pass me by because I was told it wasn't safe to follow my heart. Well you know what? The heart of a man isn't safe, just like it's creator.

When I am faced with adventure my heart puts on boots and grabs an axe. When I am under pressure my heart stands up and says "bring it on". The world, nay the church, doesn't need another generation of emasculated men with polite manners and a clean cut. I think that verse in 1 Peter about judgement starting at the house of God somehow applies here. We, as men, must take a cold hard look in the mirror of the Holy Spirit and ask Him to help us regain our strength.

I read this in Proverbs:

"A little sleep, a little slumber, A little folding of the hands to rest; So shall your poverty come like a prowler, And your need like an armed man" - Proverbs 24:33,34

There is a deep need in this world for men to wake up to their calling. To stop "folding our hands" over the xbox controller and get off the couch. We are only given one day at a time. I am earnestly praying to know what it means to give each day all I've got in respect to work, family and faith. My heart isn't satisfied anymore with the affections of my youth.

Note to self

Dear future self, If there's one thing you will continue to stumble over again and again, it's being right. Your soul thrives on having the right answers, directions, advice, etc. and fears the thought of ever being wrong and looking like an idiot.

But trust the words of wisdom your friend/pastor said to you this morning, "being right is overrated." Your heart was encouraged by that truth. So as you walk, day by day, in the newness of Christ, remember to go to the Father in prayer and ask Him to handle whatever situation you're in according to His will.

That's the place where true freedom reigns. In forgiveness.

The Consumer Church

It's not just good enough to buy Toms shoes to make a difference in this world. Faith without actions is dead works. It's that simple. God didn't give us brains and hearts to sit around and wait for some "voice from heaven" to come and tell us what to do. The world doesn't care if we follow our hearts, but we are depriving it of our gifts if we don't. The first step in any recovery program is admitting you have a problem. Well I'm here to admit I have a problem with us as the church. We say we care, yet we continue to spend millions of dollars on new buildings and lighting and sound equipment. We say we tithe, yet we continue to live in debt and live way beyond our means. Our sh*t stinks and the world knows it. We aren't fooling anyone.

But there is hope. I believe there is a major rebirth of artists going on right now within the church. As an artist myself I sense all this stuff welling up inside of me. It feels like the only way I can combat the selfish man inside of me. Making something is much more satisfying to me than buying something these days. And not just for myself, but for all humanity. I believe if we can raise up artists, respect them and let them contribute to the conversation then we might be surprised what will happen.

Resolutions

January is filled with new hopes and new dreams. Just look in any gym at any health food store or just look on facebook. The ringing in of a new year leaves a lot of people contemplative about how they can "better" their lives in the coming year. But I think this is foolish in the sense that the majority of our "resolutions" are selfish and will go unfinished leaving us feeling guilty all over again. I know I battled the guilt last year when I didn't stick with some commitments I made. It has been really impressed upon me lately that we should take each day and decide what we can do that will change the way we are tomorrow, next week, next year, the next 10 years. Life is all about choices and all we are promised is the day at hand. If we can't learn to live in the now then how can we expect to live in the future? If we only ever dream of what we want to change how can we take steps now to accomplish that? And if we only ever regret the past how can we hope for a better tomorrow?

I don't want to bring you down or anything, and I don't have all the answers, I just wanted to share some of these things that have been on my heart. I know, as a believer, I live by faith alone. But I am learning that "faith" is not just sitting on my hands waiting for a miracle to happen. Faith is believing God and trusting that I will hear His voice as I navigate through life. And I believe by my faith I will be challenged each day to examine myself and make decisions that will impact the rest of my life.