a confession

The following contains a story of hope and brutal honesty that is not popular to talk about amongst most Christians.

For as long as I can remember the grip of lust has followed me around like a lost puppy that I just couldn't say no to. Growing up in the "free world" has it's many advantages, free water, free speech, free education to name just a few, but to every coin there are two sides. The flip side of the "free world" is the glamorous, dirty exploitation of a woman's body to help sell a product. You don't have to be a Christian either to see this truth, just flip through the pages of any popular magazine or better yet, take a trip to your local mall. These images plastered on buildings, magazines, websites with seductive women staring back at us exploit the weakness in men's hearts everywhere and weaken our defenses to keep our minds pure.

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Philippians 4:8

Oh boy, this is not going to be easy. But it always gets worse before it gets better.

A few days before my breakthrough I had sent out a text to two of my closest brothers asking for their prayers. This war inside of me had been building a time bomb and I knew if I didn't call for help then all hell was going to break loose inside of me. Well not literally, but my heart was feeling crushed under an incredible weight and my soul was running on fumes. You see, even though I knew I was forgiven for all sin past, present and future my mind still wanted to mess with me and tell me that there's no way I could be forgiven for how many times I've sinned. But that's why God is God, and His love in unconditional and beyond human understanding.


The power I've found in bringing the darkness of my heart to light is out of this world, down right heavenly! The Catholics do have one thing right, confessional. Maybe not in a booth, and maybe not to a person that sits on the other side of a partition, but the simple truth behind confessing our sins can not be argued with.

"Therefore, make it your habit to confess your sins to one another and to pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." James 5:16

My hope is that Christians everywhere would turn their hearts to The Lord and find forgiveness through the power of the Blood of Jesus Christ. That IS the stuff dreams are made of. If you've ever struggled with unforgiveness, the Blood covers that, if you've ever struggled with tormenting temptations, yep the Blood's got it under control, if you've ever struggled with thoughts of suicide, no problem for the Blood of Jesus Christ.

I was born separated from God, grew up living a life filled with doubt, about my salvation, shame, from my addiction to porn, self-righteousness, from never having smoked, drank, or killed anyone (under the assumption that God had a rating scale for sin), and confusion, about how to be a man. But Hallelujah that now I can live a life free from doubt, shame or confusion and be the man that I was always meant to be.

7 daily needs

Between my wife and I it would be fair to say that I enjoy the mornings a lot more. My wife is definitely the night owl. Not me. Maybe it's the four years that the military made me work 12 hour shifts and wake up at 4 am to exercise? Or maybe it's the fact that I have a dog who thinks it's fun to wake me up by stretching his fronts paws right in my face and then rolling all over me until I get up to let him out. But I like to think that the time I have in the morning is worth getting up for. I see it as a new leaf turning over, another chance to right the wrongs and to start fresh. The following activities help me on a day-to-day basis. I hope they help you too.

This doesn't necessarily mean spending an hour on your knees in a solemn state of mind. Maybe you pray in the shower, or before you eat breakfast. I don't know, that's between you and God. But from personal experiences I've found it's impossible to have a heart-to-heart with God when feeling obligated to pray. My best advice is just be real with God and allow your heart to be open.

Some of the most intimate moments I've had in prayer have been when I laid bare all my doubts and fears and allowed The Lord to wash over me with His Word. If you have never prayed out loud, or at all for that matter, I highly recommend you give it a try. Once you start a journey for the Truth, God will find you.

There is a great book called "The Artists Way". It's marketed as a spiritual path to higher creativy. Maybe, like me, you are a creative person and think why do I need a book to help me be creative? From my own experience the book is not meant to teach you how to be creative but to assist you in letting your creativity flow freely.

Writing is something I enjoy, but not something that comes all that easy to me. And keeping a journal is a perfect way to throw out all the rules and express your desires, your opinions or your next great idea for a project. If writing is not your style why not keep a sketchbook or collage book? There are plenty of great resources online and in bookstore that show you how to make your own journals.

Think of it as a way to clear out all the clutter that might be clogging up what you need to be focusing on.

Eating healthier and in moderation helps me feel better about my self. I think it's sad how our modern culture has chosen fast food as a respectable choice for breakfast. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. It sets the tone for your bodies daily nutritional needs. I'm not saying that we should be stuck in the 50s. Times have changed and it's tough in our fast-paced society to sit down as a family. But even sitting down with a bowl of cereal and some juice will do your body good.

Following suit with eating a good breakfast, it is also important to choose wisely what you drink in the morning. I think most everyone would agree coffee is the "best part of waking up". However, while coffee is a good place to start, as your body actually benefits from caffeine (in moderation), there are other alternatives such as hot tea. Most parts of the world actually drink hot tea instead of coffee. With the vast amount of herbal teas available there would seem to be an extra health benefit from choosing tea over coffee. And lets not forget the classics. Orange juice (complete with 100% Vitamin C), milk (try to stay on the organic side and you're body will love you more) and of course there is always water. I actually find water to be quite refreshing in the morning while my stomach is not ready for something more acidic.

Maybe it's the first thing you do when you wake up, or maybe you wait until later. Whichever time you chose you'll notice you feel healthier throughout the day. My daily workout consist of taking my dogs on a walk. Walking is the perfect way to stay in shape your whole life and is actually the most popular form of exercise in Japan.

In America we live by the creed "bigger is better!" So all you see in fitness magazines are perfectly sculpted, bulky men and women. For me, simple is always better. Why try and kill myself over attaining a body that I neither need nor really want. There are tons of workouts that can be done at home. Pushups, crunches, lunges, squats, chin-ups, stair climbing (works great if you live in apartments), and if you add a core exercise ball or a small set of free weights you can increase the intensity of these basic workouts. I think the best advice I've heard about working out is listen to your body and know what your limits are.

I love to hear what the world sounds like. And where I'm located that includes the sounds of birds, cars passing on a nearby road, dogs barking, lawn mowers and the wonderful sound the wind makes. Most of all I like to listen in between those moments for the silence. Wherever you live, whatever your surroundings, open your ears and explore how amazing it is to be alive.

Another way I enjoy starting my day is turning on a favorite song. If I feel like relaxing I'll turn on some Iron and Wine, or if I'm feeling energetic I'll turn on some Arcade Fire and if I feel like I need to let some steam off I like to listen to Underoath. Whatever your taste in music, find something that suits you.

When God created man He gave him rule over all the earth, but one thing was lacking, a help mate. God saw that it was no good for man to be alone and so he created woman, a perfect fit for him. My intention here is to show that as humans we were designed to live with support in our lives. We were never meant to be solely independent. We all need someone we can talk to, about anything and everything. Sure, keeping a journal is a good place to start, but a journal doesn't talk back. We need people in our lives that will talk straight with us, and tell us when we're screwing things up. We need those relationships in our lives where we can confide in the other person and vice-versa.

For the record I hate "step" programs. That's why I chose not to use a title like "7 daily steps to a better you" or some junk. They never work. I think we are easily drawn to self-help books and articles like that because we want the easy way out. We want to know the answer to everything and how to fix every problem. But that's the beauty of life, we never know what each new day will bring. Every day is another chance to start fresh.