The Age of Comparison: Or How To Reject The Temptation to Do What Everyone Else is Doing

The pressure to "do what you love" is at an all time high.

Just "follow your dreams" we all tell each other.

Make a website. Change the world one kickstarting, water well at a time.

But how long can our self-gratifying, do-goodedness keep us feeling warm and fuzzy? To what end will our efforts continue if only to change with the next bandwagon that comes along?

We live in a world driven by fear. Duh! Even our walk with Christ begins, and ends, with fear. But a Godly fear is unlike the world knows fear. Side note: I still don't totally grasp how the two are different. I only know that one leads us to wisdom while the other leads us to folly.

So then how do we learn to move past the selfish fears we have that keep us in safe places? How do we find the boldness to explore the unknown? I'm finding that we can't do it alone. We weren't made to be individuals. However much we want to believe that we are special and unique, it just isn't the whole truth. I am like you in more ways than I am different. I am the annoying little voice in your head that says I am no good. I am the sleepless walk to my daughter's bedroom at 3 in the morning when she won't sleep. I am the cold and freezing air that bites your face to the end of the driveway to take the trash out. I put my pants on one leg at a time.

When it comes down to it we need those around us who will lift us back up when we fall, who will call us on our shit when we're not acting right, and who will, above all, love us in action and truth. We weren't made to be together to compare ourselves, we were made to live together in the hopes that we would share each other's burdens and celebrate each other's victories. This is the only way I know how to move past selfishness and really do what it is I love.

On Faith - Doubt

I've asked this question of myself a lot lately; "What do I really know?" On any given day, I feel like I only really know about a handful of things:

1. Wake up

2. Drink coffee

3. Work too much

4. Change a diaper or two

5. Lack grace for myself and others

But it seems to me that I'm in the perfect place. I mean, who really feels like they know it all anyways? I wonder if Jesus ever felt like He knew it all? I remember reading somewhere that He only did what he saw His Father doing. And that's all I really want to do. But most of the time I feel like I'm stumbling around in a thick fog waiting to see what's next. And that's when I can start to doubt the goodness and faithfulness of God. Because if it isn't happening right now it feels like it never will. Damn you, instant gratification!

Doubt can be a serious crutch for the creative person. Speaking to myself here. As one who is intuitively feeling and judging, I am prone to feelings of rejection and failure. You can stay in this place, feeling like you can only create out of a place of hurt and pain, but it will hinder you. Self-pity confuses who you are with what you do. Always striving to prove yourself. I know because I've been there before a million times. Where do you think that saying, "starving artist", comes from? It's not just about food, but starving for one's own identity. We flounder around like fish out of water. Desperate for the water to fill our lungs again. We try to douse ourselves with the praise of others or the fleeting success of our work, but it always dries up.

Doubt can also be a powerful tool. I believe that doubt is just as important in our walk with God as faith is. The two are more complimentary than we think. I have a hard time believing that God created man, and woman, to respond to Him without questions. If we never allow ourselves to question our faith then how do we expect to find answers? Just look at Jesus' own disciples as the perfect example. They were always asking Jesus to explain himself, and when He spelled it out for them they still seemed confused. I'm sure at one point or another we have all stood there feeling even more frustrated by the truth in front of us.

I find it comforting to know that in my doubts I can still have faith.

God didn't create all of this beauty only to leave us frustrated. He has come to set us back in our right place. To create an order out of the chaos. I don't have to know it all to trust the one who does. I don't have to see the end from the beginning to believe the one who can. And I don't have to conjure up some enormous amount of faith only to fool myself, and others, that I've got it all figured out. If faith is a gift then let's choose to believe that great things really do come in small packages.

Sit Down and Work

As I was working on my new price guide for this year these words just sorta stumbled onto the screen. And I knew they were true the moment I read them. This isn't something, however, that I just discovered in a moment of clarity. This is a work in progress. This is a reminder when I feel like all inspiration is lost and nothing, I do, is worth a damn. This is the step of faith required in the creative process to put one foot in front of the other without knowing where it might lead. Because it is in the single steps, the sitting down, that we find our path before us. Whereas before I thought it only upon the wings of emotion did inspiration soar in and fill my work, now I see that it's a determined effort and willingness to work that we find our inspiration. All that surrounds us is just waiting for us to stop staring at the blank page and make our first mark.

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On Being

We talk a lot, quite a lot actually, these days about what it means to be busy — both with work and life. But how much do we know about what it means to just be? To what end must we drudge on about our lives in hopes of becoming happy and healthy if only we just work hard enough to earn it? And not just in monetary currency do I mean that we work hard, but in social currency as well. It seems like we all came to the same pick-up game looking for a friend or two and what was once for fun has now turned itself into this mass-marketed, fierce competition to see who can gain the most friends. And it disturbs me.

"Be still, and know that I am God." - Psalm 46:10

A relationship is the most valuable gift we can ever expect to have in this life. The chief among these being our relationship with our Great Creator. And what does He express to us through the psalmist? To be still. And just like any great relationship, it's about what you give to it that matters more than what you take. We can overwork ourselves to the point of being absent from the relationship, thereby weakening it, or we can become lazy and miss the blessing that comes from tending to its daily needs and watching it, over time, blossom. There is a great balance that hangs in the air between one person and another. Furthermore, if we find ourselves constantly having to perform to feel accepted/successful then we should see that as the giant red flag it is. I know, because I have a need to please people too. But what greatness, and what heavy burden lifted, is achieved when we just let all that go.

"I live my life in growing orbits which move out over this wondrous world, I am circling around God, around ancient towers and I have been circling for a thousand years. And I still don't know if I am an eagle or a storm or a great song." - Rainer Maria Rilke

Maybe it's uncomfortable to just be. Who can we really blame but ourselves? When it's a fight to find time just to sit in silence. When it's socially more acceptable to always be plugged in and turned on to every distraction. When we give way to artificial systems to create new patterns and ways of communicating without ever questioning our need to do so. I can often relate to what the great poet Rainer Maria Rilke says above. With all these great technological advances swarming around me and an endless amount of information at my disposal, even when I'm sitting still it feels like I'm moving at a million miles an hour without still knowing who I am. But I press on, through the drudgery of life, not basing my identity on what I do but upon who has called me.

On Work - Dare to Dream

I'm beginning to realize that whenever I sit down and work there are far greater forces at play than just simply working to produce a final product. I see it goes back long before we ever wake up in the morning, sip our coffee, and sit at our desks. I also see it spreads out long after the ink is dry and the great unveiling is over. No, much greater, our work is interwoven with childhood memories, past mistakes, future failures, romantic gestures, the days of our youth and the glory of our old age. But we don't, at least I don't, ever think about such things when the task is before us and we only have eyes for what's right in front of us.

Let us dare to dream. Let us get lost in what once was and what we hope will be. Let us not take anything for granted, but take everything as a chance to build better, improve upon and push our limits. We should not be tied down too much to any one persons opinions, whether good or bad, but instead leaning against the solid rock of our God-given intuition. We need to trust our guts more. We need to learn to look each other in the eye and tell the truth. Being nice isn't gonna change the world.

Clients (like wives) do not want a robot to do their bidding. They are looking for someone to carry their vision to new heights. Have an original thought! They need us to be visionaries and dreamers, whether they know it or not. If you are only interested in doing the minimum then go work for minimum wage. This business of what we like to call the "creative process" takes people willing to leave more on the table than what they have in their pockets. Doesn't matter if you use a camera, a pencil, or a hammer and nails, we owe it to ourselves to dream big and surround ourselves with other dreamers.

On Life - Finances and the Art of Letting Go

The other day it occurred to me that I've never really felt in control of my finances this whole time I've been working for myself. The fault in my thought process has been that I "earn" the money so why should I have to "manage" my money. However, I've been blessed with a wife who is very detail oriented when it comes to numbers. But at the same time I've developed a crutch expecting her to handle all things money related. I'm not sure if I would call it being lazy so much as I would a lack of care about money. But am I a man or a boy? A boy does not yet know the pressures of life and lives in oblivious bliss. A man, a God fearing man no less, faces the stresses of this world head on with much patience, prayer and practice at the helm. So last time I looked in the mirror I saw a man, dammit! Time to step up and step in to my role as a better husband, father and son by being a better steward.

Not a Healthy Place to Be

I've stood under this dark cloud of uncertainty about where my money is going for so long that I am tired of feeling cold and wet. I'm ready to run inside and sit by the warmth and light of the fire. I want to rule our finances. I want to take back the peace that God intends for me to have in this area of life. Like all things, our finances (our provision) is from The Lord. I wholeheartedly believe that. Why? Because I've seen it play out again and again in my journey over the past two years. He has proven His faithfulness even when I am not. So then why would I continue on trying to hide myself, and my money, from Him? But this area, sadly, I feel is really comfortable to live in. It takes a lot less work to live with my head in the clouds than it does to live in the real world. And therein lies the clues to knowing we need to look for higher ground — that feeling of being comfortable.

Knowing Your Weakness

Admitting you aren't strong isn't something any man likes to do. We have a lot of pride and we take a lot of pride in our work. For me, I've prided myself on facing the unknown of working for myself and rising to that challenge. It has at once both proven to deepen my walk with God and expose my weakest areas. And I'm learning to be okay with that... I think. But just admitting you have a weakness is only half the battle. Taking this new information about yourself and putting together a plan of action is tough stuff. I feel like my wife and I have been talking for years now about getting on a budget and sticking to it. We've tried the envelope system, we've tried reading books, but nothing has really stuck. And I can't help like feeling it's mostly my fault. Not taking the lead when I should. Dropping the ball when I shouldn't. But one thing as of late has become more apparent — you can't do this alone, even as a couple.

On Letting Go

I'm learning how difficultly awesome it is to loosen the grip I've had around my life and business. A grip that's told me, and my family, that I can do it all on my own. But that couldn't be further from the truth. Sure, starting out on my own it was shaky ground and I felt hiring people to help me with financial stuff was a bit overkill. But within the past year it's really begun to stir in my heart that in order to build something bigger than myself I need to learn to let go of control and trust people. Boom! So how then am I moving forward? I've begun a conversation with a friend of mine who really enjoys spreadsheets and keeping track of money. We are planning to work together come the new year and I couldn't be more excited. I've signed up for a new budgeting app, YNAB, and am in the process of establishing new habits to help make it a part of our daily lives.

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This adjustment, these steps I'm taking now, I feel are somehow tied to the bigger picture of my families financial peace and the beautiful story God is writing for us. I would love to hear your thoughts. How has God been leading you to manage your money better? In what ways do you find it difficult? What ways have you experienced growth around this idea of letting go control? Thanks for reading. Keep up the good work.

On Life - Boundaries

We don't talk much about boundaries anymore, what with the internet and all breaking down so many social, cultural and relational walls. It's kind of an old term used to describe the old ways we knew what was ours and what was theirs. But you can still find them today. Just look on any map and you'll see the clear boundary lines drawn between cities, states and entire countries. And I'm convinced, in a similar fashion, we need to draw some distinct boundary lines in our lives. But it's a lot easier said than done, when we're caught up with the likes of status updates and push notifications. The following are areas in my own life I am working on drawing distinct lines around.

WORK

The on/off switch for work (especially those of us who work for ourselves) is a big one. We need to learn how to be present when we're off the clock, and how to be focused when we're on the clock. But honestly, for me, it's still a great challenge. I've experienced both ends of the spectrum now, from a 9-5 office job to total freedom in my schedule to work whenever, from wherever. And it sounds weird to say, but I feel that now I have total freedom in my schedule I have a much harder time setting boundaries. Not to mention being a father of almost a 1-year old now. Doing a good job, at home and at work, takes some serious work. (pun intended) There is a lot to be said here, but one way in which my wife and I work together to help bring a greater balance to our lives, and my work life, is sitting down every week and making a schedule for the week ahead. We are now those people that if it's not on our calendars, then we probably won't be there. We've totally found the freedom in scheduling our lives.

RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships come in all shapes and sizes. From our closest family and friends to the neighbors we see at our local coffee shop. But not everyone we meet needs to be our best friend. That's one of the hard truths I'm facing right now in life. Getting over the "everyone must like me" complex and realizing that the friends I do have deserve all my attention. It's hard to stay focused on the one right in front of you if you're constantly looking over their shoulders to who you might talk to next. That's why I believe Jesus shared his life with only twelve others. And if Jesus can't handle more than a dozen dudes to live intentionally with, then how can I expect to be "friends" with hundreds, if not thousands, of other strangers? I like how in the movie Jerry Maguire Tom Cruises' character learned this lesson the hard way. He was charming, hard-working, but he took a risk and shared what we all feel inside and was outcast because of it. However, look at what happens to him in the end. He builds this beautiful relationship with his one, single, client and finds what it means to really love someone... "You. Complete. Me." Sorry I don't know how I made the connection from Jesus to Tom Cruise, but I trust you get the larger point I'm trying to make. Bigger is not always better when it comes to relationships.

SOCIAL MEDIA

This, to me, is a growing concern. If we never stop to ask ourselves "is it worth sharing" then we will continue this snowball effect in our lives of constantly sharing based on the way we feel when someone else "likes" part of our life. It feels like the norm is to say "it's okay, we're all a little socially awkward, but we can all hang out together if we're on our phones." And why should we challenge that notion? I know I'm the worst at keeping a conversation going. I'm really awkward at walking up to people at social functions and introducing myself. The phone is a warm and cushy blanket that protects us from being vulnerable. Not to mention the soft glow upon our face in a dark room makes us all look a little more mysterious. But the phone, rather the apps we choose to use on our phone, are the jagged knife quickly cutting the chords on the art of having a real conversation. Shit! Sooner or later, if we're not careful, we will all just be using Siri to talk for us. Friends, let's work together to put the tools we use in their right place, say in our pockets, at the appropriate times, say around the dinner table. I gladly welcome my friends to challenge me on this and call me out when I'm getting side-tracked on social media.