Out of the woods

I recently spent 4 days in the Ouachita mountains in western Arkansas with 5 other men. It was a time of rest and bonding over doing what we men do best, chop wood, grill meat and drink whiskey. If you would've told me 10 years ago that's what men of God did when they got together then I would've laughed. But I continue to learn that God doesn't fit inside our safe little boxes. The over-arching theme of the trip was to be get back to the heart of a man. Letting go of what the "church" has told a man he should be and just living out of our rough, wild and adventurous nature. Too many times have I sat idly by and watched the desires of my heart pass me by because I was told it wasn't safe to follow my heart. Well you know what? The heart of a man isn't safe, just like it's creator.

When I am faced with adventure my heart puts on boots and grabs an axe. When I am under pressure my heart stands up and says "bring it on". The world, nay the church, doesn't need another generation of emasculated men with polite manners and a clean cut. I think that verse in 1 Peter about judgement starting at the house of God somehow applies here. We, as men, must take a cold hard look in the mirror of the Holy Spirit and ask Him to help us regain our strength.

I read this in Proverbs:

"A little sleep, a little slumber, A little folding of the hands to rest; So shall your poverty come like a prowler, And your need like an armed man" - Proverbs 24:33,34

There is a deep need in this world for men to wake up to their calling. To stop "folding our hands" over the xbox controller and get off the couch. We are only given one day at a time. I am earnestly praying to know what it means to give each day all I've got in respect to work, family and faith. My heart isn't satisfied anymore with the affections of my youth.

Note to self

Dear future self, If there's one thing you will continue to stumble over again and again, it's being right. Your soul thrives on having the right answers, directions, advice, etc. and fears the thought of ever being wrong and looking like an idiot.

But trust the words of wisdom your friend/pastor said to you this morning, "being right is overrated." Your heart was encouraged by that truth. So as you walk, day by day, in the newness of Christ, remember to go to the Father in prayer and ask Him to handle whatever situation you're in according to His will.

That's the place where true freedom reigns. In forgiveness.

Face to face

The internet offers us so many new relationships on any given day. We can chat, tweet, skype, etc. to anyone in the world. But if you only ever stay behind a computer and don't make your way to meet up with anyone face-to-face, then you're missing the whole point. The whole value of the internet is people. But we can often lose sight of that with all the other distractions going on. I feel like I may be repeating myself here, but I don't care, people are the point. Not your stats, feeds, likes or whatever constantly has you checking your phone while you're out to dinner with another living, breathing human being.

Once we learn to rule our technology instead of letting it rule our day-to-day lives we will be much happier. The internet, in all it's vastness, is just another tool. It doesn't define us, never was meant to and could never contain what makes us who we are. The human heart pumps warm red blood through our veins, and we should respect that.

The Consumer Church

It's not just good enough to buy Toms shoes to make a difference in this world. Faith without actions is dead works. It's that simple. God didn't give us brains and hearts to sit around and wait for some "voice from heaven" to come and tell us what to do. The world doesn't care if we follow our hearts, but we are depriving it of our gifts if we don't. The first step in any recovery program is admitting you have a problem. Well I'm here to admit I have a problem with us as the church. We say we care, yet we continue to spend millions of dollars on new buildings and lighting and sound equipment. We say we tithe, yet we continue to live in debt and live way beyond our means. Our sh*t stinks and the world knows it. We aren't fooling anyone.

But there is hope. I believe there is a major rebirth of artists going on right now within the church. As an artist myself I sense all this stuff welling up inside of me. It feels like the only way I can combat the selfish man inside of me. Making something is much more satisfying to me than buying something these days. And not just for myself, but for all humanity. I believe if we can raise up artists, respect them and let them contribute to the conversation then we might be surprised what will happen.

Charting my course

Finding ones own voice in the midst of a million other people is not an easy task. There are many mountains to climb and many valleys to walk through. But I don't think anything compares to that voice inside your head that makes you think you're not any good. It's the doubt that stands in the way for all of us most of the time. We have that "blank page" fear of starting something new. But if we never made the first mark then how would we know it's any good? Like riding a bike, so has it been for drawing in my life. As a child I loved to draw all the time, but growing up I found other things to keep me busy. So I didn't draw as much. Starting a journal was the best I could do at times. Making doodles on the edges of the paper. And not until a few years ago did I finally wake up to the reality that I am most comfortable with a pen in my hand. Just like riding a bike, it came back so natural for me.

My recent redesign of my website, kylesteed.com, is more about who I am as a person than what I do as a designer.  I wanted/needed it to reflect who I am and still showcase the work I have done. But, for me, the work is secondary. My biggest challenge was making sure the work reflected who I am and not the other way around. Thus is the challenge in all things I do.

I feel like this is a major milestone in my journey as a designer. One that I will look back on 10 years from now with a smile on my face. It feels like I've climbed a mountain and now I can look out over the valleys below, catch my breath, and take in the beautiful sight. Surely I would be a fool to think this is the highest peak along my journey, I know harder and more rewarding challenges await, but for now I am happy with where my feet are standing.

Why I quit shooting

I know that title has a few different connotations, but I will be sticking to the topic of dribbble for this blog post. So if you were hoping for a story about why I stopped shooting heroin or playing some b-ball then feel free to go grab a root beer and enjoy the rest of your day. But if you're actually interested in reading why I've stopped posting my designs to dribbble then by all means you've found the right place on the internet. So welcome. It all started a couple months ago when I was preparing for a worship retreat in Colorado and I made a vow, for one week, to sit in silence any time I sat down to draw or design and see what happened without any auditory influence. What I found has now shifted my whole paradigm. And I know it's been there all along, whispering in my ear, pulling on my heartstrings. But not until I shut off the music could I really listen. The still small voice was speaking to me about my identity and where, or rather where not, to find it.

I know dribbble wasn't created to be a place where people find validation but it sure seemed to be heading that direction last I checked. And who could stop it from happening? With so many good design(er)s out there all coming together a popularity contest was bound to happen. Throw in the comments and you're sure to start a war of words. Throw in the ability to like something and there you go puffing up people's egos. I'm not being cynical, I'm just being honest, whether you agree with me or not.

So I packed my bags and headed home. I still love the design community though, please understand that. I believe that no man is an island and I need others around me just like you do. But I want the work I do to reflect who I am through and through, not by others comments and likes. It's tough though. And a process. I'm still walking it out day by day.

It's been over 2 months since I last posted anything to dribbble and I'm still breathing. I don't hope to influence you one way or another. Just wanted to share some of my life with you. Thanks for reading.

On prayer and silence

Prayer I’ve always been a believer in prayer. But it’s more than just believing, I’ve seen and heard the power of prayer. It’s one of the greatest acts of faith we can exercise here on earth. However, I used to think it was all about me when I prayed. “God help me do this” “God I want that”. Right? I’m pretty sure most of us have prayed the same thing before. But it’s not about me. And that’s awesome. Thankfully I have someone greater praying for me and knows my every need, thus I can spend my time in prayer for others.

Silence

Being comfortable with my own thoughts isn’t something I’ve always liked. As a child I enjoyed the constant distraction of television. Or when I went to sleep having the radio on to help drown out my thoughts. But as I’ve grown up I find I need quite time more and more, and actually get frustrated when I go too long without it. Something about learning to listen to that still small voice that is so important. And I really believe that until we are comfortable with silence we will never fully know who we are.

Putting them to good use

I am learning that prayer and silence extend much further from the walls of church. My prayer life looks more like a conversation and I find myself seeking quiet times throughout the day. Just this past weekend I went against the grain and worked in silence. It was difficult at first to not have any computer or music distracting me. No twitter or facebook conversations. Just me, my pen and my sketchbook.

Agree with me or not, that’s fine, but I still encourage you to try this in your own walk. Let me know how it goes and what you learn.